short of goals - short of temper

I ended up staying away from poker mostly tonight. As I sit here, enjoying a Stone Old Guardian (an excellent poker deterrent - as it kicks in, I've closed all of my tables), I can't help but think that, despite some of the bad beats I've gone through, I'm also learning what this poker life is going to be like if I am going to commit to it. Therefore, I've set aside from goals for myself that don't apply to July.

-I will deposit another $300 into this account to achieve the full $600 bonus.
-I will earn and purchase the platinum star cash reward bonus.
-If by the time I unlock the cash reward bonus that I purchase, if my account only has in it the amount I've deposited, plus my deposit bonus, stellar rewards, and cash reward, I will withdraw all of my money and call it quits.

I'll have to play a metric ton of hands to reach this point. I feel that, if I can't do it in that time online, I do not have a knack for online play and will move on to either a) real life play where the players at $100 buy-ins are actually worse than NL10 or b) get a *gasp* real job.

Needless to say, I'll be grilling myself to improve online through this month and next month, as I don't really want those options to be it. Online poker has already shown to me that it can be soul-crushing, but with a little luck, a lot of discipline, and some intelligent play and progression, I feel I can do well. I will be seeking help from a few friends who do this for a living in a week, in order to improve my play, but between that and some basic reading, I want to primarily do this on my own. If I can't at least turn a small profit from play, then I don't feel I have the chops to do it if I'm taught. I'm not going to be denial over my poker play; I don't want to be one of those ridiculous "pro" players that troll the poker forums but actually just never progress. If I can't learn, improve, and adapt, then I shouldn't make it in online poker.

This month is going to be quite the learning experience, that's for sure. :)

Oh, and I messed around at NL25 a little bit while a friend was over. I really, really want to play this level in August. It's so much more interesting than NL10. I also feel I have a better knack for it, and have a better read on the players at the level.

STATS FOR JULY:
VPP: 1054
BANKROLL: $341 (down 30 in poker profits for the day, unlocked 10 in deposit bonus)